I’m not big on contraints, or being put into boxes. Except in a literal sense, because I would definitely enjoy putting you into a box, as a sex thing. The whole reason I love kink so deeply, is that it has taught me so much about myself through the exploration of things that are deemed shameful or dirty. The freedom to imagine a different way of life than what society tells us is available. So it especially bothers me when people assume there is only one way to participate in kink. I’m grateful to Tryst for giving me a place to rant and set the record straight about kink.

Kink is a diverse world and there is not one size fits all approach. I think many of these false impressions can prevent people from following their desires and exploring their sexualities. Unfortunately, our representation has historically been limited to inaccurate and often offensive portrayals. It seems the tide is shifting and I hope with increased visibility from social media and the accessibility of progressive corners of the internet, more people are able to see this multifaceted and diverse world for what it is, and feel empowered to live their best kinky lives.

#1: Dominants must be cold and sadistic, and in character at all times to be “real”.

This misconception likely arises from poor media representation and porn-inspired fantasies. In reality, some of the sweetest people I know are Pro-Dommes! Asserting one's dominance doesn't ever require cruelty or coldness. We are multidimensional individuals with a range of emotions and are not in character 24/7, nor are we rude or impolite to strangers. Some Dominants are only kinky behind closed doors, some only engage professionally, or some might enjoy the view from the bottom sometimes. And while we’re at it– switches are REAL. Switching does not make anyone a less competent Dominant or submissive.

#2: Kink must always include pain.

Another prevalent misconception is that kink must always involve pain. This belief can deter people from exploring their kinky side or convince people they aren't kinky. Kink covers a broad spectrum, and pain is not a mandatory component! Some providers do not engage in physical pain at all; some only practice what is often called “light BDSM”. There are a million ways to engage and explore; find what works for you.

#3: Physical attraction is necessary.

Some think that physical attraction must exist for a dynamic scene. Many prospective clients sabotage themselves from finding a professional because they fear rejection or inauthentic chemistry. It's true that not everyone will have that spark together. This is why it's essential to do your due diligence and find the right provider for you. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable and let go of the anxiety, you might just find a really fulfilling dynamic.

#4: Pro-Dommes are here to replicate your fantasies.

Pro-Dommes are often misconceived as mere kink dispensers. This reduces our experience, training, creativity, and humanity into nothing more than some kind of Stepford Wife Sexbot, available for your convenience. In reality, we are artists, creatives, storytellers, and muses. While, of course, we consider our clients' desires, our unique approach and expertise shape unforgettable scenes and make it fun for everyone involved. That is why you want to see us!

#5: Pro-Domme/Client dynamics can't be fulfilling.

Some believe that Pro/client relationships can't be truly fulfilling or authentic. For many, client/provider relationships provide a safe space for individuals to explore their deeper desires. The transactional nature of the relationship sets a boundary that allows for greater freedom and self-expression. It allows clients to shed rigid roles and traditional relationship expectations, to freely embrace their authentic selves. Seeing the kind of growth and discovery we can facilitate in the lives of our clients is very rewarding. Plenty of providers have deeply meaningful relationships with our clients, and money does not negate that.

#6: Pro-Dommes are only in it for the money.

A lot of people think BDSM professionals are solely motivated by money and not interested in kink in their personal lives. Often, a passion for kink is what led many of us to this career path! Getting paid to do what you love doesn't diminish one's skill or passion in any other profession, why would it do so here?